Ramblings of Today...September 24th, 2013

Life can be so demanding.  Sometimes I think "I only have two kids...why can't I catch a break?!"  It isn't always so busy. Or is it?  Life is good, but I'm looking forward to a break.

I think September often brings a rushed feeling.  Days are getting shorter, and the weather starts to change.  We savor our summers on the coast of Oregon, an when the rain starts to pour, the gloom sets in.  When I was a kid, I loved the fall.  September meant no more mowing the lawn and weeding the garden...and it meant that my birthday was near, along with Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas!  I loved hearing the rain outside, I loved the wind, I loved the cold, and I loved the dark days.  Now that I'm "grown-up" and have a house, have land, and have kids, I savor every summer day.  The reasons why are obvious.  But, in case you are wondering, here's a few clues as to why...wet, hunting, holidays, sick, overflowing gutters, wood stove, more holidays, unfinished summer projects, school, too much TV, and mud...lots and lots of mud. By the way, I now loathe the dark days.  Oh, to be a kid again.

Today, this week, next week.  A million things to do.  Just when I think I've got a full plate, I get another text...I get asked another favor...I get reminded of that thing I was supposed to do...I...I...I!!  This has been my life lately.  My birthday was last week...why is it that on my birthday I get asked to call people, go out with people, eat with people?  I know why...but, really...why?  Why can't they call me, bring me food, or babysit my kids so that I can go out by myself?!! LOL!  Frankly, I had a lovely birthday.  I digress...

And as I sit here, thinking of what I want to write next, my mind just races. 

Yesterday, Adam sent me a text asking what our Saturday plans were and my already lit fuse almost reached the powder.  "Why are you asking?!...because if you wanna make more plans, then the answer is an emphatic 'NO!'"  Poor husband of mine.  Really, he just longs to be home to do fun things with his family.  There are many days I wish I could trade places with him.  Yes, there are days I would just love to drive around a fancy new rental car with just the radio and the GPS to keep me company, spend several hours with adults, eat at lots of fancy restaurants, and enjoy countless evenings alone in a fancy hotel room.  Ok, ok...I'll take my rose-colored glasses off.  There is no perfect.  And when you make a commitment to your husband, your kids, your life... you realize the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

The grass is green today, and it's on my side of the fence.  It's just wildly overgrown. 

I'm already kicking myself for taking the time to write this random post.  When I started (it's now 8:22 PM), the kids were finishing up some school work, I was waiting for paint to dry, and waiting for Miss Evelyn to wake up from her nap.  Now, as I type, the kids are talking to their daddy via "face time" and showing off their new Halloween costumes.  I close my eyes and wish they were already ready for bed...but no, they still have baths to take, teeth to brush, and prayers to say.  Every night I make a goal for bed.  Goals are nice.

I still have a full night ahead of me...baby shower projects, birthday party planning, a few loads of laundry, and I MUST tidy up the kitchen before I go insane. Oh dear...8:42...gotta round up the kids. Nighty-night blog friends.

Good Intentions

Today I woke up with nothing pressing to do. "Pressing" is a relative term...if you know what I mean. I decided that I would make myself some eggs and spend some time prioritizing my day. The kids were glued to the TV upstairs, and instead of kicking them out so that I could watch a quick Paula Deen, I escaped to the basement to watch it there (which I NEVER do). While perusing through the channels I found a chick-flick that was just rolling the beginning credits...what luck!! Of course, within 5 minutes, the kids had followed me downstairs. The basement has sort of been off limits for the last week for reasons I intend to share later...so I told them to go back upstairs and finish watching whatever they were watching. Of course, that all took much longer than just a few minutes. I resumed my movie and egg eating (now cold). A commercial break came on so I decided to pause and download some pictures from my camera and prep for some much-needed blogging. In the process of waiting for my dinosaur of a computer to do that, I got distracted and started moving files and cleaning and organizing my computer desktop. That took a good 30-40 minutes. Then I started searching for pictures for my next blog topic...until I get a text from a friend that she needs some help moving some furniture. So...because I already had Blogger open to the "compose" page, I decided to write my intention. Until next time...off to do life again :)

The Everyday...

It feels good to be getting back into the old routine after almost two months of sick. I suppose Soren's tummy has been the main focus for the last several weeks. Diet changes, patterns, and daily poop examinations have led me to believe he's having digestion issues. I've been trying some new things with his diet to help him with his digestion, and it seems to be starting to work. I'm saying a lot of prayers and keeping my fingers crossed! Meanwhile, he's been referred to OHSU and I've yet to hear from them about setting up a consultation. Synnove's insecurity has been slowly getting better. I'm so incredibly thankful! We still have a long way to go, but she finally lets me go outside without freaking out. She still opens the door every 30 seconds to check on me though :) Baby steps... Lucy ran off a few weeks ago and was gone for 15 loooong hours. She came back filthy, stinky, anxious, and completely freaked out. We've spent a lot of time with her in the last 2-3 weeks trying to get her back to being her old self. Long story short, we got a goat (more on that later). By the way, Lucy turns ONE tomorrow! And...she's getting spayed on Monday :( Adam has caught himself another bug. I've been praying hard and doing all that I can to boost our immune systems so that we don't get it as well. Poor guy has been on the couch for the better part of 3 days. I don't know that I've ever seen Adam so beat down with sickness. I'm pretty sure he already got the same flu Soren and I got last month...so this is something new. And what about Me? Well, I've been doing the usual laundry, dishes, errands, MAJOR bill paying (March sickness has put us in the poorhouse), Bible study, field trips, etc. Oh, and I learned how to make sock monkeys! I'm not finished with my first one yet, but it's gonna be super cute! Here's a random picture from a couple of weeks ago. As usual, the kids were goofing off in the bathtub and they started playing with Synnove's hair bands. They were pretending to be nutcrackers...clever :) ***If there are any Blogger friends out there who know a trick on how to ensure your post doesn't get all smooshed together...I'd love to hear it! I'm so tired of these random 1-paragraph posts!***

Dear "Nobody"

I've got a good grip on life and how it all works, but there are still so many things I don't understand. Thankfully, I don't have to, but I'm a girl who likes to be in complete control of my environment. As a mother, I've got two more lives I try to control. I've got to provide a haven for them; a safe and secure home, yet teach them a good handful of life's hard lessons. It's those hard lessons that I struggle with. Where do I draw the line? When do I let them get their hearts broken? When do I let them experience new things that may or may not be beneficial? I don't have all the answers, but I feel comfort in knowing that God is on my side.

There have been a few things weighing on my mind, especially in the last week or so. Some are trivial, and some are not. But all of them make me angry. Sometimes I wish I could voice my concerns to the blog void...you know, the void that nobody reads? Ha ha! I can't stop others from saying and doing the things that they do. We all have to live in this world, and somehow we all have to learn to live with one another. You may be asking..."is she talking about me??" Likely, no. But even if I was, would I really admit it? Muah! ha! ha! *evil smile*...you'll never know!

Writing has always been a way for me to organize my thoughts...get the words out...the right words out. Though I love to talk, sometimes I say the wrong thing...the thing I didn't intend. Some say that writing is a cop out...a way of avoiding confrontation. Maybe it is. But in the heat of a confrontation my mind goes blank and I can't clearly voice my thoughts and it often ends in hurt. It's hard to take back words that have already been said...virtually impossible.

The other day, as we were driving home from Oregon City I couldn't stop thinking about something that somebody said to me a while before. Why I was stuck on it at that very moment is a mystery. But, I was so incredibly stuck on it, that Adam and I barely spoke during the entire trip. I spent nearly 2 hours talking to myself...arguing in my head. I asked myself all the obvious questions; who? what? where? when? how? WHY? I felt a handful of emotions; anger, empathy, frustration, confusion, heartache. I didn't know how I was going to get to sleep that night. It wasn't until Adam said..."whatcha thinkin' about?" that I finally was able to release some of the tension. We talked, I felt validated, I let it go....sorta.

With that, and those few other things weighing on my mind, I guess I just wanted to write. I used to write letters to "nobody" when I would get angry. I guess I felt that "nobody" would understand, that "nobody" would care, and that "nobody" would fully listen. "Nobody" was a pretty great pal if you think about it. But since I'm not writing to "nobody" I can't fully say what I want to. So, sorry if you just wasted 3 minutes of your life reading this entry with no story, plot, or point. At least I feel better now =)

A Random Story to Fill the Blog Void

Lately, blogging has become a chore. I used to have lots of free time during my days as "mom" to sit at the computer while the kids played. Blogging helps me to fill my day with some sense of accomplishment that does come with the usual dinner making or laundry folding. It is a chance to express myself, reflect on happenings, and document the life of my family to those that care to listen. Unfortunately, blogging requires brain-power that I'm having a hard time mustering these days.

As much as I like to say that I hate it, I really do enjoy writing. I often took pride in my many, MANY assigned essays...always scoring A's and B's. Most...*ahem*...ALL of my papers included thoughts from the evening before, or from the wee hours of the morning on the day it was due. It was rare for me to start a paper a week before it's due date...even if the paper was required to be 10-20 pages long. I remember one paper in particular. It was freshman year and I was in Lit of the New Testament with Mr. Tim Orton. He was a great guy...hard professor. Though an adjunct, he knew his stuff and had taught this particular class on several occasions...enough occasions that the required reading was a roughly binded "book" made of a stack of printer paper an inch thick and plastic rings written by a Mr. Tim Orton (go figure). Like all college classes, we were expected to read huge amounts in short amounts of time and had to know minute details by next class. And, in most classes, this requirement could usually be "fudged." In Orton's class, this was certainly not the case. Each class started off with a quiz 10 questions long. And each quiz counted towards a large percentage of one's final grade. Ugh...it was horrid, as these quizes were NOT easy. I was drowning weekly in a sea of C's, D's, and F's and I wasn't so sure my lifelong streak of being an A's and B's student was going to survive much longer.

The only hope of ever making it in Mr. Tim Orton's class was to do well on the essays (I think there were two, but I can't remember). Before assigning our first essay, he gave us a lecture on how hard of a grader he is. Great. The essay only needed to be something like 500-800 words (short), but the pressure was on. Of course, in typical Nicole fashion, I procrastinated. I didn't begin writing till the night before...which was usually the case anyway. I pulled out my refrences (fortunately, I DID get those in time) and began to think. The "thinking" phase of my writing usually ends up lasting till around midnight. By that time, I have written and rewritten my introduction and thesis about 6 times...as well as chatted on ICQ, had a hall dance party, and migrated to Nattie's room at least 3 times to see how far she's gotten (we were in the same class).

By 1AM, I'm on a roll. I've got the intro written and the rest always goes by much faster. By 2AM, I'm banished to the hall so that my roommate (who DOESN'T procrastinate) can catch some uninterrupted Z's. And, by 4AM I'm finished. I wasn't happy with the final paper and felt it needed much more tweaking for Mr. Tim Orton to be satisfied, but I was out of steam, out of ideas, and just plain exhausted. A few short hours later, we turned in our papers. Failiure was just one short week away....when we would recieve our scores.

It came time for us to get back to our papers, and I was literally sick to my stomach. Mr. Tim Orton started to go on and on about how he never gives out A's and that he was very impressed with a couple of papers that were turned in, one in particular. In my head I'm thinking..."great, I've surely failed, cause I'm certainly not the one out of 50 that got an A...my paper was horrible, and done with too little planning and thought...suppose I should try starting my papers the week before they are due...getting a C on my final report card will be devistating!!" He finished his shpeel and decided to give special recognition to the star writer by handing hers back first. My stomach flutters as I grab the paper that he hands me. 98%! (If I remember right, I think Nattie was the other A paper...am I right Nat?) For all he knew, I spent 2 weeks on that paper!

What was the point of me even writing this story?

Finding My Way "In"

With fall in full swing, I have become adjusted to my new life as "mom of a preschooler." I love this life, as I get to crawl out of my shell (home) and become an active member of the adult world. My duties haven't changed much, but I get to add chauffeur and snack helper to my long list of jobs. While dropping off or picking up Synnove from school, I have the privilege of saying "hi" or striking up a short conversation with other moms. To most, I'm sure this small bit of interaction seems hardly mentionable...but to me, it's monumental.

Being from a small town, I know what it's like. You know...the security and sense of camaraderie you get to experience from living in a small community. It has it's cons, but the pros greatly outweigh them (depending on the kind of reputation you have!) However, in order to be "in" the community, you must actually know some of the community members. And even though Knappa/Svensen is only a short jaunt away from Warrenton, I know very few people here. Sure, I may know of them or have heard their names before, but that's about it.

In my younger years, while living in Warrenton, I hardly had to worry about finding people I knew. My dad had grown up there, my mom in Astoria. Each of their families had made a name for themselves, and many knew who they were. My grandfather actually did most of his growing up in Svensen and my great grandparents had strong ties here. However, their generation in gone, and my grandpa raised his family in Astoria and lives there still.

Anyway, where am I going with this? Well, I suppose I'm just trying to illustrate the fact that Knappa/Svensen just isn't my community...yet. I actually have to try to form connections and relationships with people I don't know. Now, if I were living in the city or in a bigger town, I wouldn't really have to try at all. How do I explain this? Hmm...in the city, you can be invisible, yet still have a bunch of great friends and acquaintances. In a small town, you cannot be invisible...and finding great friends is like sorority rush week. Don't get me wrong, the people here are wonderful and nice...however, they all have lived here for most of their lives and already have great friends...they don't really need new ones (ME!).

Fortunately, I actually do have a few ties here, and many of the folks out here know or have at least heard of one of my many relatives. I may strike up a conversation with a total stranger...they ask "so, you from here?" I say "sort of, I'm from Warrenton...my maiden name is....do you know so and so?" they say, "no, but I know so and so" I say "oh, I don't know them, but I've heard the name...do you know who so and so is?" they say, "oh yeah, they are my mom's uncle's cousin's cousin's girlfriend!" Overexaggeration? Hardly.

Back to what I was saying before...I'm enjoying this opportunity to form small connections with the people I see at Synnove's little school. It's just the beginning of my forever life here. Hopefully, I win a bid at AKS (Alpha Knappa Svensen)! I can't believe I just wrote that...I'm such a dweeb.

I'll Get to it Tomorrow...Maybe

Summer isn't officially here yet, but it feels like it more and more every day! This time last year, I was hard at work revamping my house and loving every minute of it. Now, it seems that the steam has run out and I'm feeling lost in a sea of things undone.

On top of the relatively crummy weather, our family has battled some sickness in the last week or so. I'm currently in the middle of a cold, and praying that this is the end...until late fall, of course. Normally, I like to keep the house pretty clean, but ever since we got home from camping, the cleaning only gets done on a "need-to" basis. Vacuuming 2 times a week has turned into less than once, dishes stay in the sink for a day longer than they should, and the laundry continues to pile. It still drives me completely nuts though. I'm trying to get things together for a garage sale (hopefully next week), but even that has only been half done. I had one good day of sorting, and nothing has moved since. I have done a handful of projects outside. I scrubbed and hosed my house/windows that was/were covered in spiders and other muck. I've even planted a few plants! Gardening is not my forte...maybe someday?

One thing I do feel bad about is Soren's room. Since his transition to his big-boy bed, I haven't done much to improve the look of the walls. I'm having trouble pin-pointing a theme...so it's turning into a farm/cabin/pirate/western room. Since his transition I've only mounted a new curtain rod, painted/mounted a shelf with hooks, and hung 2 pictures. I haven't even painted his dresser yet. I think boys are tougher to decorate for. My goal is to plan a room that he can grow old with...that's where the challenge comes in.

Adam is in the middle of his busiest time at work, so our big outdoor projects are on hold. Our new big garden looks the same as it did 3 weeks ago. We did get some supplies for building a chicken run...but I'm sure that won't get done till summer's end. When the sun comes, the weeds, brush, and blackberry bushes grow like crazy...not to mention the grass. We have tons of wood to find/cut to stock up for winter. The generator needs to magically find a way to be wired to the house via Adam's special powers. Our shop roof needs some fairly major repairs. And Adam has been busy finding parts for his "new" ghetto-mobile (another blog for another day). How are we supposed to do it all!!?

Ugh...that doesn't even begin to paint the picture of how busy our summer will be. Adam and I have some serious prioritizing to do...but right now I think I'm gonna go watch some TV.

I'm Having a Lazy Day

Things I've done...A survey....

Started your own blog – Duh

Slept under the stars – I have, but not for an entire night

Played in a band – From 5th grade till I was a Sophomore in college...clarinet

Visited Hawaii – Nah...I don't look too good in a bathing suit

Watched a meteor shower – Yes

Been to Disneyland/world – Disneyland twice, Disneyworld once, and EURODisney once

Climbed a mountain - You know, when I was visiting Austria I climbed the "mountain" to get to the salt mines...I think I'll take the tram next time.

Held a praying mantis – Uh...NO

Sang a solo - Quite a few unfortunately

Bungee jumped – Never

Visited Paris – Yes

Watched a lightning storm at sea – Never at sea...but near the sea...does that count?

Taught yourself an art from scratch – I learned how to cross-stitch...but that's pretty easy, and I don't really know if it's an art.

Adopted a child – No

Had food poisoning – I was at preschool...they took us on a field trip to McDonald's. 1/2 of us were throwing up on the way home. And despite many reports of food poisoning to McDonald's, they denied it.

Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty – Saw her from a plane once

Seen the Mona Lisa in France – Yeah, but it's was amongst a huge crowd of people. Who knew such an ugly painting would be the most popular at the Louvre?

Slept on an overnight train – Twice. I wouldn't recommend it.

Had a pillow fight – I've been in a handful

Hitchhiked – no

Taken a sick day when you’re not ill – I think I might have used that excuse in College a couple of times when I stayed up way too late the night before.

Built a snow fort – Nope

Held a lamb – only petted one

Gone skinny dipping --Have YOU??

Been to a Broadway show in NY – I went to 3 in London

Been in three states at once - Nope

Ridden in a gondola in Venice – Naw...seemed like a waste of souvenir money

Seen a total eclipse - Yes, a total lunar eclipse...but I'd love to live to see a solar one someday.

Watched a sunrise or sunset – Seen many beautiful sunsets when I worked at the Shilo in Seaside during winter breaks.

Hit a home run – Maybe once or twice

Been on a Cruise – No

Seen Niagara Falls in Person -No

Visited the birthplace of your Ancestors – No

Seen an Amish community – No

Taught yourself a new language – No

Had enough money to be truly satisfied – Money-Shmuney...

Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person- No

Gone rock climbing – Not my bag

Seen Michelangelo’s David – Yeah, I was really impressed with how HUGE the statue was...I had no idea!

Sung karaoke - once or twice

Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt – No

Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant – I recall buying a vagrant some Cheetos when me and some friends were stranded with a "nearly" broken down car in some remote central Oregon location.

Visited Africa – Don't really have a desire to go there

Walked on a beach by moonlight - Ahh...young love

Been transported in an ambulance- Sadly, yes...when I hurt my back 2 years ago. How humiliating.

Gone deep sea fishing – I'll leave that to the professionals

Seen the Sistine Chapel in person – I wanted to take a picture so badly...but was afraid of getting in trouble.

Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris – We made it on the last trip up for the night...it was lovely at dusk.

Gone scuba diving or snorkeling – Nope

Kissed in the rain -Adam and I enjoyed our young romance =)

Played in the mud – A couple of times as a kid...but, for the most part, I always liked to be clean.

Been to Grace Kelley’s grave in Monaco- Uhh...no

Gone to a drive-in theater – There was one in Newberg where I went to college...but I never went.

Visited the Great Wall of China- no

Started a business- no

Taken a martial arts class- no

Swam in the Mediterranean Sea- no

Visited Russia- no

Served at a soup kitchen- no

Sold Girl Scout cookies – yeah, but Girl Scouts fizzled for me after only 1 year

Gone whale watching-While on the fairy in BC I saw a handful of whales...we were on a high school band trip.

Gotten flowers for no reason – maybe once for no reason whatsoever

Donated blood, platelets or plasma – No...but maybe someday

Gone sky diving - Never

Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp – Dachau in Germany...very creepy and sad.

Bounced a check – Never on purpose

Saved a favorite childhood toy – Not so much toys, but childhood mementos

Visited the Lincoln Memorial – No

Eaten Caviar - sounds yucky

Pieced a quilt – too tedious for me

Stood in Times Square- no

Toured the Everglades- no

Been fired from a job - laid off

Seen the Changing of the Guards in London – I missed that to go see Les Miserables

Broken a bone – only toes

Been on a speeding motorcycle – Of course.

Seen the Grand Canyon in person-no

Published a book- no

Visited the Vatican – Obviously, if I've been to the Sistine Chapel

Bought a brand new car - Nope

Walked in Jerusalem- no

Had your picture in the newspaper – yes

Read the entire Bible- I'd like to say yes...

Visited the White House – No

Killed and prepared my own meat – No, I let daddy and hubby do that.

Had chickenpox- I didn't get them till the 8th grade. Me, my sis, and bro all had them at the same time. I remember laying on the living room floor with a big blanket and lots of pillows and watching The Great Race over and over again.

Saved someone’s life – Maybe unknowingly!

Sat on a jury - I've always managed to get out of it.

Met someone famous - I met Randy Travis while in Vegas. And no, I'm not a country fan, he just happened to be in the hotel lobby.

Joined a book club- no

Lost a loved one- yes

Had a baby- yes

Seen the Alamo in person- no

Swam in the Great Salt Lake- no

Been involved in a law suit –No, but I did have to identify a suspect once. I didn't pick out the right guy...so they didn't ask me to testify. Thank goodness!!

Owned a cell phone- My boyfriend (Adam) bought me my first cell phone when I was a junior in college so that we could save on long distance charges. It was pink =)

Been stung by a bee- I only recall being stung once at the Regatta Parade back when I was like 10. It was totally unprovoked.

Some Ramblings

The ups and downs have continued into this week. I blame it all on hormones. I lack energy and will power. I continue to have a positive outlook and don't plan on giving up. As long as I don't gain any weight, I will feel that I'm still being successful. I know this will pass in a few days and I'll be back to full steam ahead!

Synnove woke with a fever night before last, and a sore throat. She hasn't been feeling well ever since even though her fever was gone by morning. We still managed to have some friends over yesterday, and the kids got to play outside in the 65 degree weather! It seems as if Synnove just has a weird bug with a constant headache. She woke again this morning with a fever and her tummy hurting. I thought I would be in for a day of vomit clean-up, but it turns out she was just really really hungry. Her fever has gone, but she still has a headache. Child sicknesses baffle me sometimes, but I'm so glad that at least she's able to communicate her suffering. When she was a baby I would always spend time wondering, worrying, and trying to figure out the root problem. But, it has turned out many times that Adam's intuition is better than my own. Or maybe he's just able to assess child situations in a calmer manner?

I'm so thankful for my husband. He brings more to the table than just the bacon, and I certainly couldn't survive as well as I do without him. I honestly didn't think that a marriage could be so completely successful in every way. As we get older and continue to learn more about each other, life gets easier, and I fall more deeply in love with him. And do you know what the best part is? We're the only two people in the entire world that get to experience the kind of life that we have. And it's all because of God's grace and answer to prayer.

I Now Pronounce You Mr. And Mrs. Jesse Katsopolis

On the mornings I get on the elliptical, I usually watch some family friendly show that I actually enjoy. While exercising, I'm not really interested in watching Oswald, Little Bill, or Maggie and the Ferocious Beast. I usually end up watching Full House on the Family Channel. Anyone who is anyone who is my age has to love Full House. I used to watch it as a kid on "TGIF" on network TV...ya know, back when 13 channels was the norm for most households? Ugh, I feel old.

ANYway, this morning I was watching the episode when Becky and Jesse get married. Jesse decides to make a big entrance by jumping out of a plane to get to the church. He ends up in a tree in "tomato country" and lands himself in jail. The rest of the family worries for his safety when he finally calls for Rebecca to come bail him out of jail. She takes her dads car and wallet and gets him. While in the police station, her dad's car gets towed, and they hitch a ride with a traveling choir of "African Americans" (my attempt at being pc). They arrive at the church...blah blah...

ANYway, so they get to the part where Jesse pledges his love to Becky with a song he wrote and mid-song (in typical cheesy sitcom fashion) the choir enters to sing with him. Well, I was huffing and puffing away on the elliptical when I actually felt a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye...

Am I pathetic or what???