In my past I have lived with fear. Truly crippling fear...fear that plagued every minute of every day. Fear that made me sick, caused my hair to fall out, gave me sleepless nights, and left me feeling so immensely alone. Sometimes that fear creeps back, but for the most part, I have (with God's incredible mercy) overcome. It didn't happen overnight. It took years. And I cannot help but think that so many are in that same boat today as we struggle to stay afloat in this world crisis.
Yesterday I was in the checkout line at the grocery store. There was a lady ahead of me already at the pay station...more than 6 feet away...and her pile of groceries were over halfway up the conveyor belt. Aware of my space, I felt safe to start putting my groceries on the belt. Then, like an exasperated mother reprimanding her child, the lady ahead of me demanded I wait to put my groceries on the belt. I wanted to cry. I decided to find a new line.
I've been in that lady's shoes. I know all too well. And I would do most ANYthing to not ever feel fear like that again. I found that my hands were shaking as I emptied my cart. My heart literally hurt as I contemplated our future in that moment: Our future seems grim. Our future is fear. Crippling fear. And it may take years to recover.
So many feelings. So many opinions. So many fears. We need to stop viewing each other as enemies with sides. We ALL have fears, and our fears are different! Some are afraid of this virus, some are afraid of losing everything, some are afraid of a communist takeover...etc, etc. We need to stop assuming that our fears are somehow more justified than someone else's just because they are different. I drive down the road and signs tell me to "stay home to save lives" and I think of the 7-year-old who has to go to the store with his single mother. What thoughts plague his mind as he passes that sign? I think of the elderly lady isolated in her room as she struggles to breathe with no family by her side. Does she have the will to breathe much longer when nobody seems to care to visit? I think of the business owner who has been told he's non-essential and cannot fathom how he can recover. Does he feel that the only way out is by a bullet?
Questions. So many questions. Never stop asking questions.
If you aren't on a path towards seeking truth, then I'd suggest a new path. There are rabbit trails here and there, and I'm certainly guilty of going down many of them. I'm the type of person who researches to a fault. I once spent 3 weeks researching car seats for toddlers...spending literally countless hours reading review after review. Hey, when your child AND your hard-earned money are on the line, you better know you're getting the best and at the best deal! I digress...but truth is the ultimate goal, is it not? In John 8:31-32 Jesus says, "If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." Do you believe that? I certainly do. I'm not a perfect person, but I do know that there is a perfect God and He holds the key to a life free of fear.
All that said, fear doesn't have to win in your life. Maybe take a step back and evaluate what the driving force behind your thoughts, words, and actions are. Fear can bring out the worst in me, for sure! My most favorite passage in the Bible to recite over and over is Psalm 91. When anxiety creeps in, I go to a quiet place and read it out loud to myself. Yes...out loud. I have to actually hear the words, and I believe there is power in speaking Truth audibly (that's "truth" with a capital "T"). Sometimes I have to read it until my heart stops racing, or until I fall asleep. I'll be honest, peace doesn't always come easily. I struggle with doubt, just like every other human on earth.
One last thought: GRACE. In a time when fear is at the forefront, smile when you don't want to, refrain from posting the angry comment, and for goodness sake, give people their space.
Be well, my friends.
