"MOM!!!?"

*Note...I actually drafted this post last week and I'm just now getting around to finishing it*

I have completely run out of patience. Synnove is going through some sort of bout of insecurity. This has happened before...and the phase lasted for several months. So far, this has been going on for about two weeks, and I'm so completely done with it.


Patience is not one of my strong suits, and I know it's a problem. At the end of the day, I'm kicking myself for the things I've said and done just because I don't want to be bothered. There are many mornings that I wake up and pray for patience for my day, but by the time I pick up Synnove from school and have her home for just 15 minutes...the patience is immediately drained. For example, I'll pull into the garage and the kids will get out of the car. Usually, I take a little more time gathering my purse, phone, mail, etc. Then, once I'm out of the car I cover the hood with an old sheet so that Charlie won't get his filthy paws all over it, close the garage door, and walk up the stairs to go in the house. All of this takes me less than a minute...and I do it every single time I pull the car into the garage. Synnove has been in the house for an excruciatingly looooong 15 seconds, so she frantically opens the door and yells "MOM, WHERE ARE YOU!!!???" Just the sound of the word "mom" is like fingernails on a chalkboard, so I respond in an annoyed..."closing the garage door...like I do every time we come home..." Then, maybe at this moment, I'll tell Synnove that I'm gonna check on the bunnies and give them some food and I'll be in in a little bit. Two minutes later I hear the door open and I immediately want to scream...but instead, Synnove yells, "MOM, WHEN ARE YOU COMING IN!!??" and I respond in the the even more annoyed "when I'm done feeding the bunnies!" When I finally come in the house, I put down my purse, take off my shoes and begin to walk towards the bathroom and immediately Synnove pipes up and somewhat frantically says "MOM! Where are you going!?" I respond (raised voice this time) "to the bathroom..." I go to the bathroom and leave the door closed, but not all the way. Synnove has followed me to the bathroom and waits by the door and decides to ask me a question "What are you doing in there?" *REALLY!?* I respond "going to the bathroom...please let me be." She sheepishly says, "Ooooh kaaayy..." I flush the toilet, wash my hands and open the door to find she hasn't left the hall. 15 minutes haven't even passed since arriving home, yet my patience is 3/4ths gone.

*Fast forward to today*

This charade goes on all day, every day. Today, because it was President's Day, Synnove didn't have school. I didn't really have anything planned, but had lots of house cleaning to do. She followed me everywhere. When I asked her to go do something, she made up questions and comments to come and ask/recite to me every couple of minutes. If I didn't answer her "mom!!?" within a split-second time frame...it turned into a frantic "MOM!!!!!??" Can you imagine hearing "MOM!!!??" every 2-5 minutes...ALL DAY!? This is not an exaggeration. Eventually, I sent the kids outside while the weather was decent. I was vacuuming, and for 15-20 minutes, I did some emailing. While I was emailing, Synnove stood outside the sliding glass door staring at me from minute intervals and saying "mom!" every so often. I won't even mention the countless times she came in and out of the house to search for me and tell me some ridiculous fact for ask me a non-question...countless! Soren, on the other hand, came in one time to go potty.

After about an hour of playing outside, the kids had to come in because it started to rain. I still had lots of cleaning to do upstairs, so I put a movie in downstairs for them to watch. I did laundry for 30 seconds before I heard Synnove trudge upstairs to tell me something like..."the movie started." Within 15 minutes, she had come up to the laundry room at least 5 times...each time I told her to go back downstairs.

Really, this is all just a taste of what the last couple of weeks have been like with Synnove. It is exhausting. I have had sit-down talks with her on a couple of occasions...one being today. I asked her what was wrong...what was bothering her...etc. I let her know that I loved her, that Daddy loved her, that we would never leave her. None of this is good enough. Something is wrong, and I don't know what to do other than to pray. Because this has happened before, I'm not that concerned. I know that when I was a little girl, I felt bouts of insecurity...but nothing like this (at least I don't think I did). When this happened with Synnove last time, it lasted for several months, and I don't know that I'm up for that again! Come to think of it...it was only a few short weeks ago that Adam made this little comment to me: "I'm so glad the kids don't freak out anymore every time we go outside...that was no fun!" I guess he spoke too soon!

The Day Just Didn't Start Off Right

Sickness is lurking in the house. Both the kids are stuffy and coughing and the bug has finally bitten me. I haven't been sleeping well since Adam left for Georgia on Saturday night, and I think my immune system has suffered. Anyway, I awoke, as usual, to the kids at 7 AM sharp begging for food. There is no food in the house. I have some cereal and milk, a half a loaf of bread, and a handful of past due clementines. I was feeling quite awful. I didn't fall asleep till around 3 AM, I had a splitting headache, my nose was stuffy, and my throat had a small fire in it. I gave the kids some cereal and headed back to bed.

I did not want to get out of bed. Synnove has had a ravenous appetite lately, and kept coming in to ask for more food. Usually, there is some granola bars or crackers or SOMEthing that the kids can get themselves to eat...but like I said before, the cupboards are empty. I allow her some fruit snacks. A bit later she comes in again begging for food. She eats what's left of the clementines. I'm tapped out. I need to make the trip to Longview to go to Winco, but the car is not sounding so good. I wish I had a better car...I'm really wishing that today. I'm wishing HARD. I'm wishing $10,000 will fall down from heaven. I wish I would have won that beautiful white Camry at the fair last year! *sigh*....I digress. By now it's 10:30 and I finally decide that I can no longer stay in my bed. I know...I'm a terrible and neglectful mother.

My head is aching pretty badly. I make some eggs so that I don't have to take medicine on an empty stomach. Synnove devours half of them and asks for more. It's almost lunch...she'll have to wait.

I head downstairs to get some clothes for Soren. I check out Synnove's room first...still a mess after her so-called cleaning yesterday. I hate a dirty room....but I guess the time is coming that I just have to let it go. It's her responsibility now. I can nit-pick till I'm hoarse, or I can accept that her version of clean is not mine. ANYway, back to Soren's room. I walk in to find the entire contents of his closet on the floor. In a somewhat ticked, yet exhausted voice, I ask Synnove..."what happened here?" Synnove replies, before even entering his room, "Soren did it." Oh really? Right. Anyway, I call down Soren who is 99% honest 99% of the time and ask him what happened. He says, "I didn't do it, Synnove did." Then, the blame game continues for a minute or two. I've caught Synnove lying quite a few times in the past several months, and it's so disappointing and frustrating. I'm trying not to sound too angry (not really working), and ask Synnove SEVERAL times not to lie to me and to tell me if she did it or not. She eventually says "Soren and I did it." Oh really? Right. Either way, Synnove lied, so she had to get punished. I won't go into detail...but disciplining Synnove always ends worse than it begins. And that is always more frustrating than the original offense.

I'm just too tired and in too much pain to try to get the kids to participate in cleaning up the mess, so I clean it up myself. Under the mountain of clothes I find one of Soren's favorite Christmas gifts crushed. That only adds to my building emotion. What next?

When the closet is finally clean, I calmly call the kids down to complete some simple clean-up tasks. I find that Soren has put on plastic underwear (he's been wearing them over a diaper at night lately) inside out (plastic side to the skin) under his pull-up. Uhh...ok? Goodness. So, I tell him to take them off and put only his pull-up on. This is something he is quite capable of doing, so I go into the other room to do a bit of clean-up. Not even a minute later, Soren comes up to me and says "I peed." I say "what do you mean, you peed?" He says, "I'm sorry mommy." I say, "what do you mean you peed??" He goes in and points to his closet. Let me just tell you that his closet doesn't go to the floor...the bottom of it hits my thigh...so it's kind of high up. ANYway, I say "you peed in your pants? or you peed somewhere else?" He says "I'm sorry." and points to the inside of the closet. There is pee all over the inside of his closet, on some of his clothes, and some of his stuffed animals. I cracked. I was done.

I could not help myself. Soren was covered in pee because his plastic pants were inside out, yet there was a huge puddle in the closet. How on earth did this happen? I angrily send him upstairs to the tub. I'm already frustrated with Soren, as he has been peeing his pants several times a day, every day for the last month. I'm wanting to scream. Instead, I sob. I sob hard.

When I'm done with my little breakdown, I decide to write a blog about it (this blog). The kids are upstairs watching a movie. I'm almost finished when I hear them venture downstairs. I go into the bathroom to see what they are doing. Soren is naked, and Synnove has no pants on. Both of them have just gone to the bathroom and I notice that the training potty is smeared with poop and they are attempting to wipe Soren's bum. POOP! Back to the tub they both went. While in the tub I notice that Synnove's leg has a bunch of black marks all over it. I ask her if it's marker. She says "no." I try to wipe it off thinking it's dirt, or heaven forbid, poop! It doesn't wipe off, and I say..."what is this?" Synnove replies sheepishly..."marker." Lie #2 for the day. My kids are on a roll.

The day has only just begun. It's Winco or bust....busted car, busted head, busted bottoms!! I'm praying it's not "bust."

Some Alone Time with Synnove

There are many times during each day when I just stop to admire my children. The little things they do that are often remarkable to me. I don't know how so many people can leave their kids to go to work each day. I know, there are many days that I say that I wish I could...but then I wouldn't get so see all their precious little moments.

Before Soren was born, Synnove was very good at playing on her own. She could sit and keep herself busy for quite sometime. When Soren came she got a playmate. They are very rarely apart. But, this evening the boys and girls of the family made separate plans. Adam took Soren with him in the Montero to have dinner at my Mom and Dad's, while Synnove and I had a dinner date with Aunt Alice and Fi Fi. Soren has never gotten to ride in the Montero with Daddy in the car seat...and since Adam took the back seat out, he gets to ride in the front. As I waved goodbye, he looked to be on top of the world...all smiles, sitting in the front with Daddy. They made "big" plans to do some "man" things before heading off to Warrenton. It was adorable.

Synnove and I didn't have far to travel, as we were going to the Mexican restaurant down the road, so we got back with much time to spare before bed. Synnove wanted to play on her "computer" (Leap Frog), so I went on the computer myself (still here, obviously). After a little while, Synnove decided that she was done with her computer, so she turned off the TV. I decided I was gonna finish up browsing Etsy.com and find something to do with my little girl since Soren wasn't here. Of course, it took me longer to "finish up" than planned. Hey...YOU try going to Etsy and see if YOU can finish up quickly! Anyway, Synnove didn't really care that I wasn't getting off the computer and immediately dove into playing with her babies. She was talking to them, strolling them around in her double stroller (thank you Fi Fi) and feeding them. For a moment, I just stopped to watch her. She wasn't doing anything special, but she was laying out fancy plates and cutting up toy pizza for her babies. I loved listening to her talk to them, and telling them what she was going to do next. They finished up "eating" and she put them back into the stroller taking much time trying to buckle them in properly. Normally, she would just get frustrated and quit trying...or ask me to do it. Instead, she took her time and figured it out on her own. Then, she asked me to tie on her apron "like Mary Poppins." I asked her, "do you remember that Grandma Barbara made this for you?" She said, "oh yes, that Grandma is so nice, I love this apron like Mary Poppins...she's so cute (referring to Grandma)!" Now she has her music going and is dressing up her babies in fun clothes. I'm now the audience of a fabulous fashion show with dancing!

Synnove and her baby Sept. 2006

Synnove with that "Cute Grandma" Mother's Day 2005

I know, no big deal...but there are times when I just want to savor my mom-hood. Watching Synnove play on her own is a rare treat.

(AGAIN, Blogger is being dumb and won't let me put spaces between paragraphs!!)

My "Sweet Guy"

It's hard not to love my little Soren-Boy. He's sweet, thoughtful, articulate, cuddly, and cute. I always wanted a brood of boys because I knew that boys always had a soft spot for their mothers. And what they say is true. 

So far, raising Soren has been a bit of a breeze. He has a very calm demeanor and his thought process is very intricate. From the time he spoke his first word, he has made a point to build his vocabulary with perfect pronunciation. I must say, he is well versed in the English language and speaks in full, grammatically correct sentences. For instance, when he burps and you tell him, "say excuse me" he'll say, "excuse you" like he's excusing me. And when Synnove burps and you say to her, "say excuse me" she'll say "excuse me" and then Soren pipes up all mad and says to Synnove, "NO, say excuse mommy!!" LOL! He has the ability to build on, and refer to prior knowledge; and make connections that some 5-year-olds have trouble with. I know I'm a bit biased, but I truly think that Soren is an exceptional little boy.

I remember being a first-time mother, trying to figure out what my child needed by verbal cues or my unfounded telepathic powers. This would drive me crazy, as I am a personality that likes to be in control of my environment by using practical knowledge and skill. Well, sometimes, being a mom is more "magical" than practical, and I'm no magician! Anyway, when Soren came along, I found that caring for him was so straightforward. Maybe it was because I had already done it once before, but I believe it's because boys are just so different. He began talking quite well at around 1, and the rest is history. I suppose, with Synnove, there's so much more drama. Because he's a no-drama kinda guy, Soren's verbal cues are much easier to read.

Recently, Soren has concluded that he hates a wet diaper. In the last few weeks, he makes it a point to announce..."I peed!"...or even "I pee!" and then whines until his diaper is changed. Obviously, this is a sign that Soren is nearing the potty training stage.

A big part of becoming potty trained is having the ability to make it to the toilet when needed. Therefore, I'm a big fan of the big-kid bed. That way it's their responsibility to make it to the toilet in the morning...not mine. So, a couple of weeks ago I finally broke down and bought him a mattress. And, because Adam was making a big order to Cabela's and got a free shipping deal, he went ahead and purchased his bedding. I had already had his bedding picked out a few months ago and was just waiting for some money to magically fall from the sky so I could buy it. It didn't fall from the sky, but came from deep, deep, DEEP down in my pocket. The bedding finally arrived on Monday, so I spent yesterday morning putting his new big-boy bed together. I could tell that Soren was very excited, but I left his crib up...just in case. He said..."I love my new bed mommy" and my heart turned to mush. When nap time came around, he happily hopped into his new bed without a fuss and fell asleep within 10 minutes. Synnove, for varying legitimate reasons, had very difficult time adjusting to her bed. So, when Soren went down for his nap without a hitch, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. However, I honestly didn't expect any different from my sweet little man.

When Adam came home, I had him deconstruct part of Soren's built-in desk to make room for a different furniture arrangement. In that time, I also wanted to take down the crib. Part of me knew that I should leave it up for a few nights...but I just wanted it out of the way. I asked Soren several times, and in several ways where he wanted to sleep that night...in his bed or in his crib. I wanted to make sure that he understood that when he said he wanted to sleep in his big bed that I was going to put his crib away. He agreed and even helped with the disassembly.

When bedtime came around, he got in his bed...but not so excited this time. We discussed how big he was and how it was so great, blah, blah, blah. He agreed and gave me lots of smiles. It wasn't until after saying our prayers that he quietly and sadly said..."I want to sweep in my crib." At that moment, I honestly considered putting that crib back together to turn his puppy-dog face into happiness. But instead, I assured him that it was going to be OK and that he had all his animals, a sippy cup of water, and that I would leave his door wide open. I left and came back 3 minutes later to find him slowly crawling out of bed. This was not him being defiant. Rather, he was afraid and trying not to be. I put him back to bed, reassured him, and stood quietly by his door away from view to make sure he stayed. He did, so I went upstairs, only to glue the baby monitor to my ear for the next 20 minutes. He mumbled a few whines and played with his animals until I eventually heard deep breathing. He slept all the way through, and, for the first time in his life, I didn't have to come get him out of bed in the morning. He did it! And we snuggled and dosed in my bed, just like we do every morning. He hugs my arm like a teddy bear, kisses my hand, and cuddles right next to my body. When he gets restless and begins climbing all over me, playing with my hair and tickling my lips I'll tell him kindly to stop, he says..."but I like you mommy!" Awe...he's so my little "Sweet Guy"...as I so fondly call him.

A pic from Synnove's 3rd picture spree. She's getting better, but I need to hide my camera from now on!

1st night in his big-boy bed.

Giving Charlie kisses.

SYNNOVE ELISE!!!

Before I begin, I'd like to preface that Synnove has been working on learning how to think before she acts. I have said to her many many times..."Synnove, when you are doing something, or you want to do something, you need to think in your head, 'would mommy or daddy think that it's ok for me to do this?' and if the answer is 'no' then you need to tell yourself to stop. If the answer is 'I don't know,' then you need to come ask mommy or daddy if it's ok first before you do it." It's hard raising this head-strong 4-year-old, so this is the book I'm reading...


With that said...

It all started on Thursday, the morning we woke with snow. Synnove wanted to go outside in the morning, but Soren wasn't feeling well and I had some business to deal with on the phone/computer. I told her we would go out, but that she needed to wait a bit. A bit later, I'm downstairs and I hear the doorbell ring several times (it's like 9AM). I knew it was one of the kids and was NOT happy that they had decided to venture outside on their own without telling me. I open the door to see Synnove in her footie jammies and her snow pants/boots. Frantic, I ask where Soren is, and she tells me..."out here somewhere..." My heart skips a beat, but am soon relieved to see that Soren was still inside. I give Synnove a good "talking to" and dress Soren up for the cold. I had been interrupted and was still in the middle of doing something, so I told the kids that I would be out in a few minutes. Letting them outside on their own is something I've done for quite some time, as they have proven themselves to stay within the invisible boundaries.

Ten or so minutes later, I venture outside. It's a beautiful day, there's snow on the ground, and there's not a sound in the air. No sound at all...none...nill...nada. I'm not panicking yet, but am yelling around the property for Synnove. No response. I look towards the field and see two sleds and two abandoned snow coats. My heart begins to pound. By now, I'm running around and screaming Synnove's name. Silence. I begin to think the worst, but convince myself that no bear or mountain lion would be roaming in such broad daylight...or would they?? Finally, I hear a faint voice and realize that at least one of the kids is down by the little stream. This stream is down a very long and fairly steep bank off the side of our property. Synnove has NEVER gone down there alone, and knows she isn't allowed. By now, I'm shaking and almost in tears, but greatly relieved. Without hesitation, I begin to make my way down. I can't see the kids yet, but at least I can hear them. Synnove isn't phased as I grab her arms and begin to frantically explain how terrified I was and how terribly WRONG she was do go down there...etc. Soren was near tears and telling me how cold he was. He was actually across the small creek and it was interesting trying to get him over the awkward path. I had already ordered Synnove to make her way to the house while I gathered up Soren. We went inside and didn't play outdoors for the rest of the day.

Earlier that morning, I had told the kids that Soren's room was off limits for the day. I had the humidifier set up next to his bed from the night before, didn't want to move it, and didn't want the kids tempted to touch it. The humidifier has been in either Synnove's or Soren's room for the last month as they have been trading sickness back and forth and have not had a problem touching it in the past...however, I didn't want to take the chance since the set-up in Soren's room was more accessible and elaborate. Anyway, I did catch them in there standing on TOP of Soren's built-in desk sometime later. I ordered them down, reminded them they weren't to be in there, and shut the door as best I could (his door doesn't shut).

The day went on, the kids freaked the poo out of me (creek story), I cleaned the house, Adam came home, blah, blah, blah. Bedtime came around and I walked into Soren's room to find that the entire contents of the humidifier (proly 3/4 gallon of water) had been dumped on the carpet. We found out that Synnove knew all about it and practically laughed in our faces. UNbelievable!! Adam "dealt" with her while I soaked two full bath towels with the water from the carpet and gave Soren a lecture on how he needed to make sure to tell Synnove "no" if she ever tried to get him to do something that he knew was wrong and to come tell mommy. That would have been the second time he'd heard that lecture that day.

As if the events of Thursday weren't enough...wait till you hear about Saturday...

On Saturday, we were set to leave in the morning to help Adam's mom move some things from her place to ours...as she is moving to Seattle to care for her parents and needs a place to store some excess. It was about 15 minutes before we were to leave. I was finishing getting dressed, Adam was gathering tie-downs and tarps outside, and the kids were ready and playing downstairs till we were to leave. Each of the kids has a separate baby monitor in their rooms so I can usually hear whatever is going on downstairs. It sounded like they were in Synnove's room playing some sort of game. Synnove kept saying "let's do purple" or "let's do orange" and saying "HIDE!!" whenever Adam opened the front door. I was trying to hurry and get ready, so I didn't check on them right away...but then my suspicions got the better of me. I make my way down to her room to find her door shut. I open it in complete HORROR!! At first I didn't know what I was even looking at. There was some sort of purple goo all over the carpet, sheets, their clothes, hair, etc. Soren's head was the worst...it was completely covered in it! Two seconds later I realize that they had gotten into my craft drawers in the utility room and grabbed craft glue (orange cap), and purple fabric paint. Again, this is something they have NEVER done before (getting into my craft drawers)! And, of course, Synnove was the instigator, as Soren doesn't even know how to open a door and couldn't even get into the utility room if he wanted to.

I was beyond words. No amount of me yelling, lecturing, etc. was ever going to make a dent in this disciplinary act of parenting after the lack of Synnove's remorse from Thursday's incidents, AND the fact that, despite the look on my face...Synnove, again, was laughing without the fear of the inevitable pain that was going to be on her backside.

Without hesitation, I went out the front door to yell at Adam to come and take care of Synnove (and Soren too). I had informed him that he had better be ticked off and ready to be firm...as he has a tendency to be a softie. Synnove knows that when daddy is the one dishing out the discipline, then she must be in some pretty serious business! Anyway, Adam and I both made it clear to them that what they did was...well, not good. I really wanted to take a picture of the kids before their bath, but didn't want to condone their bad behavior by making a humorous spectacle of them. Instead, I took pictures of their spoils everywhere else (see below).

We made it out the door relatively on time despite the delay. The kids behaved well during the long day of packing and driving. We didn't expect anything less from them, especially since their morning was so...so...something...I can't think of a good word for it. The truck was jam-packed in back, as well as in the cab. By about 3:30 we were on our way home. Grandma Patty had given them some things to take home, as well as some sidewalk chalk that they played with while we loaded the truck. Synnove had several things to keep her occupied, and it wasn't until we got home and I took her out of her seat that I realized what she had done. She had taken pink sidewalk chalk to her face, the window, side panel, and a brand new white lampshade (one of the things were were taking home from the move). SYNNOVE ELISE!!!! Let's just leave it at that.

Their clothes just after the fabric paint incident (of course they were wearing non-play-clothes)

This isn't a very good portrayal of the carpet, but her carpet is stuck this way until it gets replaced someday. Fortunately, the carpet in her room is already trashed. They also ruined Synnove's bed skirt and filled the play shopping cart (right) full of purple as well.

You can see the two tools of destruction on the right.

This is what I found in the utility room. I don't know HOW they found the craft glue as it would have been buried in my large scrapbooking cart. The fabric paint is something I forgot I even had. It was stashed in a drawer, in a white bag. They would have had to do some digging to find it.

Below is what was left AFTER I washed everything. They not only ruined their clothes and Synnove's sheets, but they also ruined MY favorite baby blanket...made by my Aunt Cindi 28 years ago. Needless to say, Saturday was a sad day in the Brown House.

What a Morning

First of all, Synnove woke up and pooped her pants. No, this isn't a normal occurrence...so I thought I had a sick girl on my hands. As if a sore throat, fever, stuffy nose, and throwing up in the last 2 weeks wasn't enough!!! She then proceeded to do it again....AND again within 20 minutes time. She's wearing a diaper today...but has told me she's feeling quite well.

I'm feeling much better this week and have decided to take on exercising again. I went on the elliptical for only 35 minutes, but at least it was something. I was interrupted twice during that time to wipe Synnove's bum. Anyway, it's a beautiful day, so I took a quick shower and have been waiting for the outside temp to reach a reasonable high so that the kids can play outside. I was downstairs checking my email when I heard a bunch of ruckus upstairs. It sounded like they spilled the crayons in the kitchen, so I yelled upstairs that they needed to pick them up before they got stepped on and broken. Not long after that, Soren comes downstairs with a wet shirt. Great. So, I went upstairs to find that Synnove had taken a spray bottle and sprayed most of the artwork and pictures that were on the refrigerator. It was only 2 hours before this dreaded event, that I decided to post Synnove's priceless photo from the dance on the fridge. I was so incredibly disappointed that I nearly cried. Normally, I wouldn't care so much...but this pic was likely the most adorable pic of Synnove that I have ever possessed. The look of pride mixed with excitement on her face was too cute for words.
I have no idea why she decided to spray all the papers and pictures, but she did. Someday I'll laugh about it, but today I mourn the loss of such a precious memory.

Ahh...Synnove

"Please Lord, give me the patience and wisdom to help my little girl grow up to be a non-fit-throwing-sassy-pants...Amen"