*Note...I actually drafted this post last week and I'm just now getting around to finishing it*
I have completely run out of patience. Synnove is going through some sort of bout of insecurity. This has happened before...and the phase lasted for several months. So far, this has been going on for about two weeks, and I'm so completely done with it.
Patience is not one of my strong suits, and I know it's a problem. At the end of the day, I'm kicking myself for the things I've said and done just because I don't want to be bothered. There are many mornings that I wake up and pray for patience for my day, but by the time I pick up Synnove from school and have her home for just 15 minutes...the patience is immediately drained. For example, I'll pull into the garage and the kids will get out of the car. Usually, I take a little more time gathering my purse, phone, mail, etc. Then, once I'm out of the car I cover the hood with an old sheet so that Charlie won't get his filthy paws all over it, close the garage door, and walk up the stairs to go in the house. All of this takes me less than a minute...and I do it every single time I pull the car into the garage. Synnove has been in the house for an excruciatingly looooong 15 seconds, so she frantically opens the door and yells "MOM, WHERE ARE YOU!!!???" Just the sound of the word "mom" is like fingernails on a chalkboard, so I respond in an annoyed..."closing the garage door...like I do every time we come home..." Then, maybe at this moment, I'll tell Synnove that I'm gonna check on the bunnies and give them some food and I'll be in in a little bit. Two minutes later I hear the door open and I immediately want to scream...but instead, Synnove yells, "MOM, WHEN ARE YOU COMING IN!!??" and I respond in the the even more annoyed "when I'm done feeding the bunnies!" When I finally come in the house, I put down my purse, take off my shoes and begin to walk towards the bathroom and immediately Synnove pipes up and somewhat frantically says "MOM! Where are you going!?" I respond (raised voice this time) "to the bathroom..." I go to the bathroom and leave the door closed, but not all the way. Synnove has followed me to the bathroom and waits by the door and decides to ask me a question "What are you doing in there?" *REALLY!?* I respond "going to the bathroom...please let me be." She sheepishly says, "Ooooh kaaayy..." I flush the toilet, wash my hands and open the door to find she hasn't left the hall. 15 minutes haven't even passed since arriving home, yet my patience is 3/4ths gone.
*Fast forward to today*
This charade goes on all day, every day. Today, because it was President's Day, Synnove didn't have school. I didn't really have anything planned, but had lots of house cleaning to do. She followed me everywhere. When I asked her to go do something, she made up questions and comments to come and ask/recite to me every couple of minutes. If I didn't answer her "mom!!?" within a split-second time frame...it turned into a frantic "MOM!!!!!??" Can you imagine hearing "MOM!!!??" every 2-5 minutes...ALL DAY!? This is not an exaggeration. Eventually, I sent the kids outside while the weather was decent. I was vacuuming, and for 15-20 minutes, I did some emailing. While I was emailing, Synnove stood outside the sliding glass door staring at me from minute intervals and saying "mom!" every so often. I won't even mention the countless times she came in and out of the house to search for me and tell me some ridiculous fact for ask me a non-question...countless! Soren, on the other hand, came in one time to go potty.
After about an hour of playing outside, the kids had to come in because it started to rain. I still had lots of cleaning to do upstairs, so I put a movie in downstairs for them to watch. I did laundry for 30 seconds before I heard Synnove trudge upstairs to tell me something like..."the movie started." Within 15 minutes, she had come up to the laundry room at least 5 times...each time I told her to go back downstairs.
Really, this is all just a taste of what the last couple of weeks have been like with Synnove. It is exhausting. I have had sit-down talks with her on a couple of occasions...one being today. I asked her what was wrong...what was bothering her...etc. I let her know that I loved her, that Daddy loved her, that we would never leave her. None of this is good enough. Something is wrong, and I don't know what to do other than to pray. Because this has happened before, I'm not that concerned. I know that when I was a little girl, I felt bouts of insecurity...but nothing like this (at least I don't think I did). When this happened with Synnove last time, it lasted for several months, and I don't know that I'm up for that again! Come to think of it...it was only a few short weeks ago that Adam made this little comment to me: "I'm so glad the kids don't freak out anymore every time we go outside...that was no fun!" I guess he spoke too soon!
3 comments:
maybe it's the lack of love that you show when you answer :) lol that was a joke
praying for novie's fear and insecurity :)
Lots of love from auntie
Actually, each of you did this to some varying degree. ...and yes, she's very much like you... However, you are wise to never assume that it's just a phase. But everything that takes place in our life has purpose; so knowing that we are bent on self gratification and laziness, I decided God was working on me. And His point was to cause me to not get complacent, lazy, or selfish. Didn't Jesus set himself aside constantly for people who were dense and/or selfish in motive? So I decided God was working on my attitude, so I worked real hard to turn myself around in whatever ways I knew I lacked. I'm still quite impatient with mindless questions and I don't respond well or effectively. But I know I grew in the lazy and selfish department; the mindless questions I endured; all the while looking for signs that your behavior might be a symptom of something more serious. And I prayed...a lot. Which, I believe is another reason he put the challenge there. :) "trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path."
Prov. 3:5,6 I know you'll do well. Keep going. :) I love you
Ugh, that does sound miserable! It's the little things like whining that can really wear a mom down by the end of the day! I hope she outgrows this stage and soon realizes you will always be there, without having to call out every minute to verify her suspicions.
Hang in there, you're a great mom who is devoted to your kids and very patient! We all get frustrated and some days our fuse of patience is longer than others. ;)
♥
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