Snow Catcher

"MOM!!!?"

*Note...I actually drafted this post last week and I'm just now getting around to finishing it*

I have completely run out of patience. Synnove is going through some sort of bout of insecurity. This has happened before...and the phase lasted for several months. So far, this has been going on for about two weeks, and I'm so completely done with it.


Patience is not one of my strong suits, and I know it's a problem. At the end of the day, I'm kicking myself for the things I've said and done just because I don't want to be bothered. There are many mornings that I wake up and pray for patience for my day, but by the time I pick up Synnove from school and have her home for just 15 minutes...the patience is immediately drained. For example, I'll pull into the garage and the kids will get out of the car. Usually, I take a little more time gathering my purse, phone, mail, etc. Then, once I'm out of the car I cover the hood with an old sheet so that Charlie won't get his filthy paws all over it, close the garage door, and walk up the stairs to go in the house. All of this takes me less than a minute...and I do it every single time I pull the car into the garage. Synnove has been in the house for an excruciatingly looooong 15 seconds, so she frantically opens the door and yells "MOM, WHERE ARE YOU!!!???" Just the sound of the word "mom" is like fingernails on a chalkboard, so I respond in an annoyed..."closing the garage door...like I do every time we come home..." Then, maybe at this moment, I'll tell Synnove that I'm gonna check on the bunnies and give them some food and I'll be in in a little bit. Two minutes later I hear the door open and I immediately want to scream...but instead, Synnove yells, "MOM, WHEN ARE YOU COMING IN!!??" and I respond in the the even more annoyed "when I'm done feeding the bunnies!" When I finally come in the house, I put down my purse, take off my shoes and begin to walk towards the bathroom and immediately Synnove pipes up and somewhat frantically says "MOM! Where are you going!?" I respond (raised voice this time) "to the bathroom..." I go to the bathroom and leave the door closed, but not all the way. Synnove has followed me to the bathroom and waits by the door and decides to ask me a question "What are you doing in there?" *REALLY!?* I respond "going to the bathroom...please let me be." She sheepishly says, "Ooooh kaaayy..." I flush the toilet, wash my hands and open the door to find she hasn't left the hall. 15 minutes haven't even passed since arriving home, yet my patience is 3/4ths gone.

*Fast forward to today*

This charade goes on all day, every day. Today, because it was President's Day, Synnove didn't have school. I didn't really have anything planned, but had lots of house cleaning to do. She followed me everywhere. When I asked her to go do something, she made up questions and comments to come and ask/recite to me every couple of minutes. If I didn't answer her "mom!!?" within a split-second time frame...it turned into a frantic "MOM!!!!!??" Can you imagine hearing "MOM!!!??" every 2-5 minutes...ALL DAY!? This is not an exaggeration. Eventually, I sent the kids outside while the weather was decent. I was vacuuming, and for 15-20 minutes, I did some emailing. While I was emailing, Synnove stood outside the sliding glass door staring at me from minute intervals and saying "mom!" every so often. I won't even mention the countless times she came in and out of the house to search for me and tell me some ridiculous fact for ask me a non-question...countless! Soren, on the other hand, came in one time to go potty.

After about an hour of playing outside, the kids had to come in because it started to rain. I still had lots of cleaning to do upstairs, so I put a movie in downstairs for them to watch. I did laundry for 30 seconds before I heard Synnove trudge upstairs to tell me something like..."the movie started." Within 15 minutes, she had come up to the laundry room at least 5 times...each time I told her to go back downstairs.

Really, this is all just a taste of what the last couple of weeks have been like with Synnove. It is exhausting. I have had sit-down talks with her on a couple of occasions...one being today. I asked her what was wrong...what was bothering her...etc. I let her know that I loved her, that Daddy loved her, that we would never leave her. None of this is good enough. Something is wrong, and I don't know what to do other than to pray. Because this has happened before, I'm not that concerned. I know that when I was a little girl, I felt bouts of insecurity...but nothing like this (at least I don't think I did). When this happened with Synnove last time, it lasted for several months, and I don't know that I'm up for that again! Come to think of it...it was only a few short weeks ago that Adam made this little comment to me: "I'm so glad the kids don't freak out anymore every time we go outside...that was no fun!" I guess he spoke too soon!

Saying Goodbye...Twice

It was only two short weeks before her death that my Great Grandma Myrna Backe accepted Jesus into her heart. Saved at the age of 100! Her salvation had been on my mind for quite sometime...I knew that she was afraid to die. My mom was the one who received the nudging from the Lord to visit her one day...January 12th. Just two short weeks later, on January 27th, she went to be with her savior. 100 years on this earth is a long time, and her memory lives on in those she left behind.

Pallbearers (from left to right as shown): Mike Falleur (long-time family friend), Mark Balensifer (Grandson), Wesley Balensifer (Great Grandson), Ron Davis (long-time family friend and neighbor), Rick Davis (long-time family friend and neighbor), and Mike Balensifer (Grandson)

It was a very nice service and an absolutely gorgeous day. Although, being as it was February 1st, it was freezing outside! Though Grandma was very old, she was not forgotten. People came from near and far to say their final goodbyes. We will all miss her, but we are glad she is singing with the angels for eternity.

Great Grandma this last Christmas with her Great-Great Granddaughters, Halle and Tay.

Then, last Thursday, we had to say goodbye to Miss Reese Holland Becker. It's one thing to say goodbye to someone who has lived a long and full life...it's quite another when that someone hasn't even reached 1 year. Reese would have been 5 months old on February 20th. I can't even begin to imagine what my dear friend Shannon and her husband AJ are going through right now. Baby Reese was beautiful, healthy, and happy. I saw the whole family and met Reese for the first time just a couple of weeks ago at Synnove's birthday party. Today, I feel privileged to have been able to hold her and talk to her...what a joy she was! Her life was abruptly ended by SIDS. My heart is breaking for Shannon, AJ, and their son Josh. I wish we still lived in Cornelius so that I could be with her...cry with her, but I know she has lots of very supportive family and friends near her right now.

My Dad got to hold Reese while Synnove opened her gifts...in fact I think he held her for the entire time. She was an angel :)

A picture of Shannon and Josh at Synnove's 5th birthday. Shannon had told me just a few days before that she was just a few weeks pregnant with Reese. I was SO excited to hear she was having another one! Although...the poor girl was feeling quite queasy when this pic was taken...
AJ, Shannon, and Josh at the party a few weeks ago...

We have sent flowers and many messages. I haven't spoken to her, as I know she is being bombarded with calls. I don't know how I would feel if I was her...I don't know that I'd want to answer the phone. Fortunately, the family has been very open with the happenings of the past few days over Facebook. The outpouring of support has been incredible. And I know that the many prayers and kind words have been appreciated. If you remember, pray for them as well...especially on Thursday as they say their final goodbye.

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Six

She's my big helper, she's already growing out of the clothes I bought her in the fall, she's got 2-3 loose teeth, she loves to read to me, she can ride her bike like a pro, and she just turned SIX!

In the last few months Synnove has turned into quite the school girl. She seems to do well with her "studies" and often comes home to tell me about what she's learned. It's weird for me to have a daughter in school for six hours each day. I know that her innocence will start to deteriorate, and the thought makes me sad. I'm looking forward to Soren going to kindergarten so that I can help out in the classroom and be a part of their school lives. So far, Synnove has done well and has made good friends. I pray this continues.

ANYway, Synnove had her big party on the 23rd (actual birthday is the 27th) because Adam was going to be leaving for Georgia the next weekend. As usual, we had lots of guests and had a great time. I served tacos and the yummiest red velvet cupcakes anyone has ever eaten!! I took a week-long break on my diet for those babies! I surprised Synnove with her very own cake (she thought she was getting a cupcake and didn't know how the candles would fit) and she very timidly blew out her candles. She was shy and nervous to open her gifts in front of the guests, but so excited that she didn't even eat lunch.


On her actual birthday, Grandma surprised her by coming over to give her a sewing lesson. She actually got her little toy sewing machine over a year ago at Christmas, but I told her she had to save it till she was six. Quite frankly, I'm a novice sew-er and I wasn't keen on teaching her how to do it and was happy my mom volunteered. Synnove had been talking about it for weeks because she knew that her sixth birthday was coming soon. Synnove was elated when Grandma pulled into the driveway and told her to get her sewing machine out. Synnove thoroughly enjoyed herself and did very well with her stitching. Their time was cut short when we got word that Great Grandma had just passed.


On the weekend after her birthday, I planned to have a few of Synnove's friends over for a "glorified playdate." Synnove didn't know her friends were coming until the last minute, and it was fun to surprise her. That morning, Synnove had a slight stuffy nose and her eye was red. I thought that maybe she was just really tired from spending late evenings at Grandma Barb's house. We had gone to bed very late the last few nights and Synnove slept in till 10:30 that morning! Unfortunately, the "pinkness" wasn't going away. About an hour before her friends were set to come over, I started to panic that she had pink-eye, so I told her she had to wear a gauze patch. She endured it without complaining the entire time, and even wore it that night when we were at Grandma Barb's that evening. Her eye stayed a bit pink for about 2-3 days.

Jena, Brooke, Synnove, Emily, and Grace

I told the parents "no gifts"...but some parents just don't listen :)