Dear "Nobody"

I've got a good grip on life and how it all works, but there are still so many things I don't understand. Thankfully, I don't have to, but I'm a girl who likes to be in complete control of my environment. As a mother, I've got two more lives I try to control. I've got to provide a haven for them; a safe and secure home, yet teach them a good handful of life's hard lessons. It's those hard lessons that I struggle with. Where do I draw the line? When do I let them get their hearts broken? When do I let them experience new things that may or may not be beneficial? I don't have all the answers, but I feel comfort in knowing that God is on my side.

There have been a few things weighing on my mind, especially in the last week or so. Some are trivial, and some are not. But all of them make me angry. Sometimes I wish I could voice my concerns to the blog void...you know, the void that nobody reads? Ha ha! I can't stop others from saying and doing the things that they do. We all have to live in this world, and somehow we all have to learn to live with one another. You may be asking..."is she talking about me??" Likely, no. But even if I was, would I really admit it? Muah! ha! ha! *evil smile*...you'll never know!

Writing has always been a way for me to organize my thoughts...get the words out...the right words out. Though I love to talk, sometimes I say the wrong thing...the thing I didn't intend. Some say that writing is a cop out...a way of avoiding confrontation. Maybe it is. But in the heat of a confrontation my mind goes blank and I can't clearly voice my thoughts and it often ends in hurt. It's hard to take back words that have already been said...virtually impossible.

The other day, as we were driving home from Oregon City I couldn't stop thinking about something that somebody said to me a while before. Why I was stuck on it at that very moment is a mystery. But, I was so incredibly stuck on it, that Adam and I barely spoke during the entire trip. I spent nearly 2 hours talking to myself...arguing in my head. I asked myself all the obvious questions; who? what? where? when? how? WHY? I felt a handful of emotions; anger, empathy, frustration, confusion, heartache. I didn't know how I was going to get to sleep that night. It wasn't until Adam said..."whatcha thinkin' about?" that I finally was able to release some of the tension. We talked, I felt validated, I let it go....sorta.

With that, and those few other things weighing on my mind, I guess I just wanted to write. I used to write letters to "nobody" when I would get angry. I guess I felt that "nobody" would understand, that "nobody" would care, and that "nobody" would fully listen. "Nobody" was a pretty great pal if you think about it. But since I'm not writing to "nobody" I can't fully say what I want to. So, sorry if you just wasted 3 minutes of your life reading this entry with no story, plot, or point. At least I feel better now =)

My January Jobs

Do you ever get tired of hearing the phrase "I've been sooo busy!"? Well, I'm getting tired of saying it. As I've said before, my life is in transition. Aside from being "mom of a preschooler," I've added part-time barista, part-time remodeling consultant, part-time beauty consultant, substitute teacher, and disgruntled root canal patient to my list of January jobs. It's been one of those months when I've wished that I didn't live out in Svensen. The constant driving is wearing on me. Fortunately, the kids are at the age now where naps aren't necessary. However, it's also UNfortunate that the kids are at the age where naps aren't necessary! I'd like to say that I miss the lazy days of staying at home spending a leisurely day with the kids...but, for now at least, I don't. I'm loving the many opportunities to get out of the house and interact with "big" people.

So, what exactly have I been doing??...I'll tell you:

Mom of a Preschooler/Substitute Teacher:

I suppose this is fresh in my mind, because in the span of one week (this last week) I've attended the monthly board meeting, subbed for Miss Kara, and was snack helper for Synnove's birthday. Aside from driving, that has accounted for about 7 hours of my time over the span of 1 week. And, seeing as I'm not in preschool, that's quite a bit of time. However, roughly 3 of those are paid!

Part-Time Barista:

As you all know, my sister owns the Wheelhouse Coffee Company in Astoria. I help out there from time to time, but haven't really done much in the last handful of months. This month, Elise needed some extra help because her husband had knee surgery. So, I worked for her for a couple of days. When my dad isn't around, it's hard to juggle the kids around. Sometimes, they end up spending a good part of their day hanging around the shop while I work. This always makes the day a bit more difficult. Grandma Barb ended up watching them one of the days, and they had a blast with her! They even made cupcakes, which was something I remember doing often at her house when I was a kid. My time at the shop is always a good break from the kids...and that's enough payment within itself.

Part-Time Remodeling Consultant:

For some reason, I am the "go-to-gal" for advice on cosmetic home improvement. I suppose I'm known for giving my honest opinion and giving good reasoning for "why." My mother especially appreciates my opinion and often takes me on her many shopping trips. ANYway, since my parents' house got damaged in the freeze, they have been frantically shopping for new carpet, counter tops, flooring, lighting, paint, and tile. Not only have I been "hired" as remodeling consultant, I've also been "hired" as the mediator between mom and dad...lol! I guess dad trusts my judgement...seeing as he actually admitted that my painting the precious raw cedar in my basement was a "not bad" decision!!!

Part-Time Beauty Consultant:

Even though I wish I were busier in my business, being a new beauty consultant is work. I knew it would be work, and I'm happy to take it on....one step at a time. I'm enjoying every minute of it. I'm overwhelmingly surprised at how much I love sharing a product that is...well...awesome. There is no lying, fudging, or insincerity involved. And, my favorite thing to say in this business is..."if you don't like it...PLEASE return it!"

ANYway, beauty consultant business has been good. People love it. The hard part is getting people to try it. They think I'm out trying to "get" them with my crafty sales tactics and they ignore me, don't return my messages, or give me a large handful of excuses. The most popular one is..."Oh, I tried that once and it broke me out." What they don't want to hear is that the formula has changed over the years, AND, there are like 6 different formulas to choose from! Fortunately, I'm the QUEEN of breakout and can feel their pain.

Ultimately, I have the experience (have tried MANY products over the years), I have a bit of knowledge (still have LOTS to learn about MK), I have the skills (I'm a fairly competent individual)...the only thing I lack is confidence. Each time I pick up the phone, my hand shakes. Each time I write an email, I say a prayer before pressing send. Yes, it's about making money! Of course, why would I venture into business if I didn't want to make money?? But really, as I've tried the products, I'm finding I just want people to experience the reason why Mary Kay should be in their bathrooms! I don't want them to buy it to help me out...I want them to buy it to help THEM out!!

I digress. So, I spend much of my days with Mary Kay on the brain. I've attended meetings, went to a conference in Seattle, and given coupons and facials to a small handful of people. It's not much, but it's a start.

Disgruntled Root Canal Patient:

Long story short: my crown fell off in December and has fallen off at least 4 times since. It was re-glued with temporary cement 3 times, the 4th attempt was very unsuccessful. I have spent most of January chewing on one side of my mouth waiting for my dentist to return from not being well (I heart my dentist, btw). My dentist's son is also a dentist and has done most of the re-gluings. I have seen him 4 times this month. I have rescheduled my root canal 3 times, with 2 out of those times being because my dentist has been ill. Dr. Smith (my dentist) finally returned to work and attempted my root canal this last Tuesday. He proceeded to numb the entire left side of my face over the span of at least an hour, only to find that it wasn't enough. There is much more to this story, but I'll just end it here. I now have a half-drilled permanently glued crown awaiting root canal-age from a specialist.

The Clincher:

Add 2 young children, a husband (who makes life easier most of the time), and a dirty house to everything above.

Happy Birthday to ME!

The day (Thursday, the 17th) started off with me sleeping in a bit. The kids played quietly while I got up on my own terms...it was great. I finally rolled out of bed around 9ish and started the day. My MIL and SIL were planning to come sometime in the late morning to take me out to lunch, so I had time to spare. While frosting the cake my husband made the night before (for me), the phone rang and I had the joy of spending the next hour chatting with one out of the four of my dearest Grandmothers. We set a lunch date for next week and said our goodbyes. By now it's about 10:30 and I've got to hurry and get ready before my in-laws arrive to poke fun at tardiness. Halfway through I get a call from another one of my dearest Grandmothers. By now I'm feeling pretty special and the day is only beginning! We chat a while, my in-laws arrive, and I finish getting ready for the day.

The kids were enjoying spending some time with their cousin Alice and ogling over new baby Cash. I received some lovely gifts and another deliciously homemade CAKE! It's not even noon yet and I've got visitors, 3 phone calls (one also from my mom), gifts, and TWO cakes! We all hop in the car and head into town to get some lunch.

I didn't want to eat anything big since I knew that dinner was going to be even bigger and my newest weight loss strategy was/is working fabulously. Ruining my weekly weigh-in on an overindulgent birthday just wasn't part of the day's goal. Since we had 3+ kids with us, we opted to pick up sandwiches at Weesie's shop and go to Tapiola Park. We all stopped in to visit with Mom and Elise, and Mom and I made sandwiches to go. I even had the pleasure of being sung to by one of the Wheelhouse Coffee regulars!

We ate, the kids played...did I mention it was a beautiful day!? Anyway, we headed back to my house to eat some of the cake my MIL made. I allowed myself a sliver...*sigh* it was good. We continued to visit and Adam came home. I had told him the week before NOT to get me a gift since his gift to me would be purchasing the remainder of the flooring that wasn't going to be covered by various birthday gifts of money (will explain in a bit). It was just like him to buy me something anyway. Fortunately, it was something inexpensive that I needed...a shop light for my little work area in the garage. It may not seem like something you would want...but to me, it was a very thoughtful gift.

Cash, Alice, Synnove, Soren

We said goodbye to Patty, Faith, Alice, and Cash and headed into Warrenton for a big birthday dinner. A day or two prior to my birthday my dad smoked his 4-H bacon. So, I decided that breakfast for dinner would be the perfect birthday meal. I was dying to try Dad's newest smoked treat, and eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns are likely my favorite menu items EVER! Why I have never asked for breakfast as my birthday dinner in the past is really quite puzzling to me. It's a new tradition! Dinner was hands-down awesome and I ate way too much. I even had a piece of the cake Adam and the kids made me. It was a very nice time...even Grandma Barb came!

It's after 7:00 and the day still isn't over. In fact, we've gotten to the best part...the part where we take a trip to Costco to buy new laminate flooring for Synnove's room!!! I was, and still am beyond excited about this purchase. If you are a regular "In The Sticks" reader, you know how badly I've been itching to do various projects in the house...but funds have fizzled, and unnecessary projects have been put on hold...indefinitely. It's a depressing prospect that has me searching for ways to, well...*ahem*...get my way. Long story short, after some searching, I decided upon flooring I found at Costco that was going on sale ON my birthday! All of the generous gifts of money I received went towards the purchase (a little over half the total!).

This year my Birthday was made extra special by many of the loving people in my extra-large family. I loved it! There was never a dull moment in my day...even at 10:30 PM when I ate my 3rd "sliver" of cake!